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Relational trauma – the split in a child's heart

Thu, 23 Oct 2025 11:34:09 GMT

Dr. Yulin Sun holds a PhD in Educational Psychology and is an expert on generational trauma

Healing the unseen inheritance of family patterns, trauma, and love

“The fact that I exist means all my ancestors did enough, and did it right, for life to continue through me.”

Behind each of us stands a long line of survivors – people who lived through wars, famine, migration, heartbreak, and loss.
They did what they needed to do to keep life moving forward.

Whatever choices they made – wise or flawed, kind or harsh – were the ones that allowed us to be here now.

This truth alone is profound: the fact that I exist means my ancestors did enough, and did it right, for life to continue through me.

The echo of survival in our nervous system

Human history has not been gentle. Most of our ancestors lived in a constant state of survival. Their nervous systems learned to fight, flee, freeze, or please – and those strategies were passed forward, generation after generation.

Trauma doesn’t simply end when the event ends. If it isn’t met with care, understanding, or love, it stays alive in the nervous system . It quietly shapes how we think, how we love, how we parent, and how we feel safe in the world.

Through epigenetics , these imprints are carried forward. Our bodies hold both ancient wisdom and ancient fear. Our ancestors wanted us to live – even if their survival strategies now limit our freedom to feel, connect, or rest.

When the family order shifts

In every family system, there is a natural order that allows love to flow:

Parents are the big ones – the givers
Children are the small ones – the receivers
Partners are equals – standing side by side

This order keeps balance. But when one parent is emotionally or physically absent – distant, unavailable, or overwhelmed – the balance is disturbed.

“When the order of the family shifts, children stop being children and become caretakers of their parents.”

Often, the oldest child steps in to fill the space. The son becomes his mother’s protector; the daughter becomes her emotional partner. These children stop being children and become caretakers of their parents.

At first glance, this looks noble – a devoted child supporting a struggling parent. But beneath the surface, both suffer. The child carries a weight too heavy for their years, and the parent loses strength by leaning on the small one for support.

Dear mother, please allow e to love my father, too

“ Every child loves both parents unconditionally – even when love feels unsafe, the child adapts by trading authenticity for attachment. ”

Dr. Yulin Sun

I am just a child – from both of you.

Children who step into adult roles often lose touch with their own inner world. They become attuned to everyone else’s needs – soothing the parent, protecting siblings, maintaining harmony.

In doing so, they lose connection with themselves. They stop asking, What do I want? What do I feel? and instead learn to sense, what does everyone else need from me?

This pattern can follow them into adulthood. They may struggle with boundaries, self-worth, or closeness. They may feel guilty for wanting freedom, or fear being disloyal if they choose their own path.

In families marked by conflict, children often take sides – deciding one parent is “good” and the other “bad.” The child’s love divides, and so does their sense of safety. If dad doesn’t love mum, will I betray him if I do?

This quiet conflict can last for decades, shaping their relationships long after childhood ends. Every child loves both parents unconditionally. This love is biological – it keeps them connected and safe. Even when parents are distant or hurtful, the child remains loyal.

But when love feels unsafe, the child adapts. They become “good”, quiet, helpful – trading authenticity for attachment.

Healing begins when we stop carrying what isn’t ours – when we allow love to flow freely again, to both parents, to both sides.

Dear mother, please allow me to love my father, too.

I am just a child – from both of you.

When love can belong to both, the child –and the adult they become – can finally rest.

Somatic Experiencing®: the body's path to healing

Healing begins when we bring awareness to how the past lives in the body.

Somatic Experiencing® (SE), a gentle trauma-healing method, helps the nervous system find safety again through presence and slow reconnection.

SE listens to the body – its breath, impulses, tension, and stillness. When someone has lived outside their rightful place in the family system, their body often shows it: through tightness, anxiety, numbness, or exhaustion.

By allowing new, safe experiences that counter old patterns, SE helps the body complete what was once frozen. Over time, the nervous system remembers how it feels to be calm, grounded, and fully alive.

Saying yes to what was – and to the life that is

Healing family pain is not about rewriting or blaming the past – it’s about acknowledging it.
To say yes to what was doesn’t mean approval; it means acceptance. It means recognizing that what happened shaped us – and that life still chose to continue through us.

Our ancestors’ lives, with all their imperfections, made ours possible. When we honor that truth, we stop fighting what is behind us and start living what is before us.

From this place of acceptance, love can flow again – between parents and children, within our bodies, and across generations. To stand here, alive, is already a miracle.

The fact that we exist now means that life – through all its struggles – has chosen to continue through us. Our task is no longer to survive, but to live.

“Healing begins when we stop carrying what isn't ours and allow love to flow freely again – to both parents, to both sides .”

Dr. Yulin Sun

�� Learn more about our Dragonfly Retreats program and how we integrate Somatic Experiencing® and generational trauma work into our approach.

Start your healing journey today. Your body is ready to release what it has carried for too long. See you in Portugal!

Chronic physical pain and trauma: the hidden link

Wed, 24 Sep 2025 14:40:17 GMT

Luc is a Certified Advanced Rolfer® and Somatic Experiencing Practitioner™ with more than a decade of experience in working with physical and emotional trauma. He holds a Master's degree in Corporate Communications and is fluent in 7 languages.

Chronic physical pain and trauma: the hidden link

Chronic physical pain and trauma are more connected than most people realize. Many participants who come to our retreats believe their pain is “just physical” – caused by posture, stress, or injury. But what if part of that pain is actually emotional, stored deep within the body?

At Dragonfly Retreats, we work at the intersection of body and mind, combining Rolfing® and other body-based approaches (fascia/connective tissue work) with Somatic Experiencing® to release both the physical and emotional roots of trauma.

Trauma has two components: physical and emotional

One of my core convictions is that every trauma has two layers:

The physical imprint, which gets stored in the fascia (connective tissue) of the body.

The emotional shock, the nervous system’s protective reaction to the overwhelming event.

When we ignore one layer, healing remains incomplete.

“In my own practice, I’ve seen that an accident always leaves

more than a bruise or scar. The tissues may hold on to tension

and pain, but the shock also lingers in the nervous system.

Addressing both is what brings true relief.”

Luc Lippuner

My personal story: 25 years of chronic back pain
For me, this truth is not just theoretical – it’s deeply personal. I lived with chronic back pain for 25 years.

Like many people, I began by addressing it only physically. I tried countless approaches: breathing techniques, bodywork, manual therapies, exercises, movement. Each one helped in some way, but the pain never completely left – it seemed like there was a layer that was non responsive to everything I tried.

It was only many years later, when I began to explore the emotional and psychological side of trauma, that I understood the full picture. Through therapies that addressed my nervous system and emotional history, I finally reached the deeper layers that were still holding on.

“For 25 years I searched for answers in my body alone.

When I finally included the emotional and psychological parts

of my trauma, the healing was complete – and the pain was gone.”

Luc Lippuner

And only then — when I worked with both the physical and the emotional components — was I able to completely release the pain.

Looking back: layers of injury and emotional imprint

In retrospect, I better understand where the pain came from. There wasn’t a single root cause; rather, multiple layers clustered together to create the symptom.

When I was 11, I fell from a tree attempting a backflip, landing on a fence with my buttocks—without any obvious injury. A year later, I fell from a wall onto my head, likely compressing my vertebrae. Even though my young body didn’t feel immediate pain, the impact set off a chain reaction: over time, dense, protective fascia built up around those vertebrae, creating tension that eventually triggere d chronic pain in my teenage years, as my growing body was forced into the narrow spaces shaped by those early accidents.

The fear of the fall got imprinted in the tissue and entangled with early childhood trauma

The fear and intense emotions of those moments were also stored in my body, layering over early childhood experiences and forming the emotional part of the injury.

And this was the emotional dimension of my symptom—manifesting as back pain that would not go away with physical therapies alone.

How trauma gets stored in fascia or connective tissue

The fascia, a web-like connective tissue surrounding muscles and organs, doesn’t just hold us together – it also holds memory. After an accident or shock, fascia can contract and harden, restricting movement and breathing:

Car accident → whiplash symptoms years later
Childhood fall → chronic hip/back pain in adulthood
Emotional trauma → posture changes, shallow breathing

Medical treatment often focuses on muscles or joints, but the fascia still “remembers” the trauma unless it’s released.

Why pain is not always purely physical

Many people are surprised to discover that pain can persist long after the body has “healed.” This happens when:

The nervous system is still stuck in fight, flight, or freeze
The emotional charge of the event remains unresolved
The fascia keeps pulling the body out of alignment

Headaches, back pain, digestive problems, and even chronic fatigue can all be linked to unresolved trauma.

“Pain is not the enemy. It’s the body’s way of saying:

there is still something here that needs attention.”

Luc Lippuner

Rolfing®: freeing the body from trauma’s grip

Rolfing Structural Integration is a form of bodywork that works with the fascia / connective tissue to realign the body, release chronic tension, and restore natural movement:

Gentle, hands-on work and movement awareness softens tight fascia
The body regains balance and space
Old trauma patterns stored in tissue begin to dissolve

Rolfing® is not just about posture – it’s about helping the body let go of what it has carried for too long.

Somatic Experiencing: healing the emotional shock

While Rolfing® addresses the physical imprint, Somatic Experiencing® (SE) supports the emotional and nervous system response:

SE® helps the body safely process the “unfinished” stress response from trauma
Gentle awareness and titration prevent overwhelm
The nervous system learns to return to regulation

Together, body-based approaches such as Rolfing® and SE® form a complete approach: the body releases tension, and the nervous system restores safety.

The power of integrating body and mind

At Dragonfly Retreats, we don’t see physical and emotional trauma as separate. They are two sides of the same coin. Healing requires addressing both:

Rolfing® → frees the body’s connective tissue from trauma imprints
Somatic Experiencing® → helps the nervous system release shock
Integration → long-term relief, resilience, and a return to wholeness

“Healing trauma is not about erasing the past.

It’s about giving the body and mind the chance

to complete what was left unfinished.”

Luc Lippuner

Healing at Dragonfly Retreats

Our retreats are designed as a safe space where participants can:

Receive private bodywork sessions such as Rolfing® and Craniosacral therapy to release trauma stored in fascia/connective tissue
Experience Somatic Experiencing® in both private and group sessions to restore nervous system balance
Explore generational conditionings through constellation work, yoga, mindfulness, movement, and a supportive community

If you are struggling with chronic pain, stress, or emotional overwhelm, our retreats offer a holistic path to healing.

�� Learn more about our Dragonfly Retreats program and how we integrate Somatic Experiencing® into our approach.

Conclusion: pain is a call to listen

Trauma and physical pain are deeply intertwined. Pain is not only a physical issue — it is often the body’s way of signaling that unresolved trauma still lives in the tissue and nervous system. By working with both through Rolfing and Somatic Experiencing, healing can be deeper and more lasting.

Start your healing journey today. Your body is ready to release what it has carried for too long. See you in Portugal!

Resilience: Our innate capacity – and how to use somatic practices to grow it

Fri, 05 Sep 2025 08:25:01 GMT

María is a Spanish somatic coach and therapist with over twenty years' experience creating spaces of transformation. She holds degrees in Music Performance and Psychology.

Resilience: Our innate capacity — and how to use somatic practices to grow it

We are resilient. You are resilient.

Building resilience with somatic practices is one of the most powerful ways to support your wellbeing. Resilience isn’t something we either have or don’t have — it’s something all humans are born with, and it’s something we can strengthen over time.

What is resilience, really?

Most of us think of resilience as the ability to “bounce back” after difficult situations. From a somatic perspective, though, resilience is more than recovery.

It’s the ability to shift from a state of activation or stress back into regulation — to stay present with our sensations, emotions, and thoughts while feeling safe, grounded, and connected to others.

“Resilience is not about pushing through and pretending I’m ok —

it’s about staying connected to myself and others, even when things get difficult.”

María Lopez

Resilience vs. survival strategies

When “I’m ok, I can do it” becomes a survival strategy

It’s easy to confuse resilience with survival strategies. They’re not the same thing.

For a long time, one of my favorite lines was, “I’m ok. I can do it.” I would say it to myself whenever life got tough — and it worked. At least, that’s what I thought. It helped me push through hard moments, keep going, and get things done.

The hidden cost of survival mode
Looking back, I realize that what I was practicing wasn’t always resilience — it was a survival strategy. I was bypassing my emotions, pretending I was fine, and powering forward without giving myself the space to feel or process what was happening.

Not only was I disconnected from parts of myself in those moments — I was also disconnected from others. I withdrew. I longed for help, but didn’t allow myself to ask for it or receive it. My walls kept me “strong” on the outside, but they also kept me isolated.

From survival to connection through somatic work
Through somatic work and consistent somatic practices, I have increased my capacity to hold the present experience. I’ve learned to ask for help — and to feel more comfortable receiving it. Today, I feel more connected to myself and to the people who matter most to me. The work is ongoing, but every step brings me closer to living from a place of resilience rather than survival.

The key difference between resilience and survival

Survival strategies have value — they help us function when emotions are too overwhelming to process in the moment. However, they leave us disconnected, from ourselves and others. Resilience, on the other hand, is different. It’s about staying connected to ourselves and our environment, feeling what’s present, and still holding onto a sense of safety and possibility.

The good news: We can cultivate resilience

As humans, we carry the seeds of resilience within us. And like any seed, it can grow when nurtured.

Building resilience is about reminding our bodies of what resilience feels like. The more we intentionally practice it, the easier it becomes to access in challenging times.

Research and somatic wisdom suggest powerful ways to grow resilience:

Spending time in nature — connecting with rhythms and grounding of the natural world.
Engaging in creativity — art, dance, and music as ways to process emotions and reconnect with joy.
Connecting with animals — finding calm and presence through animal companionship.
Nurturing at least one positive relationship — fostering deep, supportive connections.
Helping others — cultivating meaning and shared humanity.
Participating in spiritual practices — rituals, meditation, or prayer that ground you.
Joining collective experiences — music, movement, or group gatherings that create belonging.

A simple somatic resilience practice you can start today

Your turn: What makes you feel resilient?

When was the last time you asked yourself that question?

Once you identify something that makes you feel resilient, try this:

Recall and connect — Bring a specific moment of resilience to mind. Notice the sensations in your body. How do you know this experience made you feel resilient? Stay with the feeling. Let it expand.

Practice regularly — Make time for resilience-building activities. Be intentional and present while doing them. Notice the sensations, emotions, and thoughts they bring up.

For example: I take a walk by the river at least once a week. I pay attention to the beauty around me — the water’s movement, the way the light shifts — and I notice how it impacts my body and mind. This simple practice keeps my nervous system familiar with the felt sense of connection and safety.

Resilience, wellbeing, and healing

Resilience is part of who we are. With somatic awareness and consistent practice, we can strengthen it — so that we can return to safety, connection, and possibility when we need it most.

At Dragonfly Retreats , you’ll find the perfect surroundings and professional support to reconnect with yourself and begin cultivating resilience — an essential foundation for both wellbeing and healing. Weather you are just starting this journey or looking to deepen your practice, this is a space where your capacity to thrive can truly grow.

Discover how we integrate Somatics into our retreats and explore the practices that help you grow your innate resilience.

The value of embodiment: reconnecting to grounded presence for trauma healing

Fri, 21 Mar 2025 17:30:20 GMT

Regina Ehlers is a passionate and experienced German-Brazilian yoga teacher and biodynamic craniosacral therapist who has lived and worked in São Paulo, Brazil, and Goa, India.

How bringing awareness to your body creates safety and healings

What is embodiment? The role of the body while experiencing the flow of life

To be embodied means to fully experience and inhabit our body, fostering a deep connection between physical sensations, emotions, and the present moment.

Our experiences in life are not just mental or emotional; they are deeply physical. In fact, our nervous system processes far more information than our conscious mind – and at much greater speeds. Have you ever instinctively caught a falling cup before realizing it was slipping? That’s your body's intelligence at work.

Our bodies store memories, emotions, and stress, whether we are consciously aware of it or not. When we experience trauma or prolonged stress, it leaves a lasting imprint on both our mind and body. For those who have undergone such experiences, reconnecting with the body can be both challenging and profoundly healing.

How does embodiment support healing? Reconnecting to a sense of aliveness

In today’s fast-paced world, we often live in a state of heightened alertness, making it difficult to notice and care for our body's signals like hunger, fatigue, and tension until they become overwhelming.

Similarly, trauma–whether physical, emotional, or psychological–can create chronic tension, defensive tightness, or even a protective disconnection from the body.

When we tune back into our body, we reestablish a sense of grounded safety and presence–essential conditions for healing.

“We often find it challenging to name an emotion, but everyone knows

the sensation of a rumbling belly or a tight chest. This tangible quality

of our physical experience is extremely powerful in our healing process

when explored gently and compassionately. They wait – sometimes in

silence, sometimes in pain – until we are ready to l isten.”

Regina Ehlers

Understanding disconnection from the body: It's all about safety

When we don’t feel safe, our nervous system prepares us for survival: our heartbeat quickens, our breath becomes shallow, our mouth dries, and digestion slows. We are ready to fight or flee. If neither is possible, we freeze; our physiology shuts down.

When our nervous system is overwhelmed and unable to restore a sense of safety, the accumulated energy becomes trapped in our body, often leading to chronic tension, dissociation, numbness, or difficulty sensing and responding to bodily needs.

Early years: We are embodied from the start

Our pre- and perinatal experiences, along with early preverbal childhood, are processed exclusively in the body. These are our most vulnerable years, where safety is essential for survival. Perceived threats at this stage leave lasting imprints on the body, often shaping adaptive patterns that persist into adulthood.

Coping with early trauma is complex because there are no words or stories attached to these experiences–only physical sensations and implicit memory.

Pause and check in

Before reading on, I invite you to take a moment and bring your attention to your body:

How are you feeling right now?
Are you sitting comfortably?
Can you feel the support of your seat?
Where are your feet? If they are touching the ground, how does that contact feel?
Can you connect with your breath, following your inhalation and exhalation for a few moments?
How does your belly move as you breathe?

What happens if you gently check in with your body? Noticing these sensations can help cultivate embodied awareness.

How embodiment supports healing: Learning to discern the past from the present

I remember one of my first Somatic Experiencing® sessions. I entered feeling completely fine, yet as I focused on my body, I noticed a tight diaphragm and heavy breathing. These sensations were real and intense, even though there was no immediate threat.

As my therapist gently encouraged me to stay present with these feelings, I became aware of her empathetic presence, which gave me the courage to explore further. Then, she asked if I could feel the chair supporting me or my feet on the ground. The moment I tuned into that physical support, my entire body shifted. I suddenly realized that the tension I carried was an old threat inside of me – not a reflection of my present reality. I was carrying the past in my body.

Understanding this on a felt, bodily level (rather than just intellectually) created a profound physiological shift, allowing my body to discharge trapped energy. I left the session feeling noticeably lighter.

When we are in a safe environment with an attuned, present therapist, we can gradually learn to be present with unpleasant or even scary sensations and embrace them, little by little. It requires a lot of courage, patience, and above all, self-compassion.

Ways to reconnect to your body

Healing through embodiment is an ongoing, gentle process. Here are some supportive practices that will all be incorporated into our unique SE Retreat in Mallorca :

Yoga – Enhances body awareness through posture, breath, and movement, fostering connection to the body in action.
Mindfulness & Meditation – Cultivates present-moment awareness and connection to bodily sensations.
Family Constellation – Explores how trauma is stored in the body and passed through generations.
Rolfing® – Releases tension and held patterns through deep tissue work and awareness education to realign the body and renegotiate its relationship to earth and sky.
Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy – Restores balance through very gentle touch. Helps discover and let go of held patterns through the felt sense.
Somatic Experiencing® – Helps process trauma by exploring how it manifests in the body, allowing for the gentle release of trapped energy, emotions and thought patterns with self-compassion.)

Embark on a life-changing, body-centered healing journey

Join our Somatic Experiencing® Retreat at Dragonfly Retreats

If you're on a healing journey and feel called to explore embodiment, we offer all these modalities and more at Dragonfly Retreats . Check the backgrounds of our amazing Dragonfly Team members for more information.

Healing is not about erasing or fixing our past. It is about learning to cultivate kindness, self-compassion, and patience. Breath by breath, moment by moment, we can release the past and reclaim the power to write our own story – from a place of presence, connection, and love.

Inner child work: a journey to healing and reclaiming joy

Wed, 05 Mar 2025 07:50:43 GMT

Hransush Shahnazariyan is an experiencedd somatic trauma theapist, Strategic Intervention Life Coach and trainer on international level

Why healing your inner child changes everything

The deepest wounds we carry are often the ones buried within us for the longest. These wounds, born from unprocessed childhood experiences, very usually unconscious, shape how we navigate the world as adults – manifesting as self-doubt, fear of abandonment, or emotional triggers we can’t always explain.

Inner child work offers a profound opportunity to reconnect with these wounded parts of ourselves. It allows us to heal past trauma, transform lifelong patterns, and reclaim the joy, authenticity, and love that have always been our birthright

“Healing our inner child isn’t about rewriting the past – it’s about giving ourselves

the love and care we always deserved.” Hranush Shahnazariyan, Somatic trauma therapist

What is inner child work?

Inner child work is a therapeutic approach that allows you to access and nurture the younger, vulnerable parts of your psyche. These parts hold:

Early emotional experiences and beliefs
Unresolved childhood wounds and coping mechanisms
Suppressed emotions that continue to shape your adult life

Through this work, you can identify these wounds, release survival patterns that no longer serve you, and reparent yourself with compassion.

“The parts of us that were abandoned, dismissed, or wounded as children don’t just

disappear. They wait – sometimes in silence, sometimes in pain – until we are ready to listen.”

Do you really need inner child work?

For many, the idea of inner child work may feel unnecessary or even uncomfortable. Typical excuses are:

“I had a good childhood – why would this apply to me?”
“This feels too emotional or abstract.”
“I don’t want to dwell on the past.”

But this work isn’t about blaming caregivers or reliving painful moments. It’s about recognizing how early experiences shaped your present–your emotions, relationships, and sense of self–and using that awareness to create a freer, more aligned future.

“Healing your inner child doesn’t mean staying stuck in the past. It means freeing

yourself from the patterns that no longer serve you.”

How trauma shaped my path to healing

When people ask how I became a trauma therapist, my answer surprises them: I never planned this path – it found me.

Trauma has been part of my family’s story for generations. I know the weight of it – how it fractures families, seeps into relationships, and changes how we see ourselves. I’ve lost loved ones to trauma and, at one point, felt like I was on the edge of losing myself, too.

But I also know what healing looks like.

After two decades spent on my own healing journey, I’ve learned what it means to move from survival to stability, from pain to peace, from self-protection to deep connection. Healing isn’t linear – it’s a constant, unfolding process. But it has brought me a life filled with joy, playfulness, and love that I once thought was unattainable.

“We are not meant to live in survival mode forever. Healing is our birthright.”

The following signs show your inner child needs healing

Imagine your emotions and thoughts as trains passing through your mind. Mindfulness – the space within you created by being fully present – allows you to stand at the station and watch them go by, without jumping on board.

Here’s how mindfulness helps you observe your emotions and thoughts:

People-pleasing or fear of rejection
Struggles with self-worth and self-trust
Emotional triggers that feel disproportionate to the situation
Fear of abandonment or difficulty with intimacy
Perfectionism, overachievement, or chronic self-criticism

These patterns often stem from early experiences where emotional needs weren’t fully met.

Your nervous system and inner child healing

Childhood wounds don’t just live in your memories–they’re stored in your nervous system.

When we didn’t feel emotionally safe as children, our nervous systems adapted to protect us:

Freeze : Shutting down and disconnecting
Fawn : Pleasing others to avoid conflict
Fight/Flight : Staying on high alert to survive

These survival patterns often follow us into adulthood, shaping our relationships, behaviors, and emotional regulation.

Healing your inner child means not just emotional awareness, but learning to regulate your nervous system and feel safe in your body again.

How to soothe your nervous system

Grounding techniques (walking barefoot, deep breathing, meditation)
Gentle movement (yoga, stretching, or shaking out tension)
Self-soothing touch (placing a hand on your heart or holding your arms in a hug)
Connecting with safe people (co-regulation with loved ones or a therapist)

“Trauma isn’t just stored in memories–it’s stored in the body.

Healing means learning to feel safe in your body again.”

Steps to take to begin inner child work

Healing your inner child is a tender, ongoing process of listening, validating, and nurturing yourself in ways your younger self needed most.

1. Acknowledge your inner child

Picture yourself as a child. What do they look like? How do they feel?
Speak to them with warmth and reassurance.
Allow any emotions that arise to surface without judgment.

“Your inner child has been waiting for you to notice them. Start by simply saying, ‘I see you. I’m here now.”

2. Identify core wounds

Reflect on childhood experiences that shaped your beliefs about yourself.
Notice recurring patterns in your relationships–what triggers you?
Journal about early memorie s that hold emotional weight.

3. Practice self-compassion

Replace self-criticism with gentle self-talk.
Engage in activities that bring you joy and creativity.
Give yourself permission to rest and receive care.

“The way we speak to ourselves matters. Be the voice of kindness you needed as a child.”

4. Reparent yourself

What did you need to hear as a child? Say it to yourself now.
Set healthy boundaries to protect your emotional well-being.
Create safety in your daily life – through routine, self-care, and emotional awareness

Take the first step to heal your inner child today

For the past 15 years, I have guided over 1,000 people from more than 65 countries through the transformative process of inner child work.

I believe in this healing because I have lived it. I have seen how reconnecting with your inner child can release trauma’s grip, soften self-doubt, and lead to a life of love and freedom.

Start now with a simple step:

Find a photo of yourself as a child. Look at it with compassion.
Imagine what it needed to hear. Speak to it with kindness.
Remind it: “You are safe. You are loved. I’m here now.”

Join our Somatic Experiencing® retreat

If you feel ready to go deeper, I invite you to join our Somatic Healing Retreat in Mallorca . Together with an amazing team another 4 therapists , in a safe and nurturing environment, we will:

Reconnect with your inner child through guided practices
Release stored trauma in a gentle, body-based way
Experience deep healing surrounded by the beauty of nature and community

“Healing your inner child doesn’t mean forgetting the past – it means giving yourself the future you deserve.”

Learn more about our retreat

How mindfulness and SE® help you reconnect with your true self

Fri, 07 Feb 2025 15:52:07 GMT

Emi Iizuka is a highly experienced mindfulness teacher & SE practitioner

Have you ever felt disconnected from yourself, your dreams, or the simple joy of living? Mindfulness and Somatic Experiencing® offer a gentle yet profound way to heal, reconnect, and rediscover your authentic self.

Find peace in the chaos of everyday life and reconnect with your true self

In the fast pace of modern life, living authentically can feel like an uphill battle. Your mind urges you to keep going even when you’re exhausted, while your body says, “No.” Over time, ignoring your body’s voice can disconnect you from your true self – your dreams, desires, and joys. The way out isn’t about pushing harder or numbing yourself. The way out is within. Reconnect with your body. Listen.

Healing begins in this moment

Can you feel your breath right now? Not thinking about it – just feeling it as it flows in and out. Is there anything happening now beside the fact that you are ALIVE!

Breathe, pause. Feel it. You are alive, savor this moment.

With each breath, space opens within you – clearing the noise, softening your thoughts, and allowing your emotions to simply be.

The present moment is key

The present moment is where life happens – where we connect, feel, and love. It’s also where we realize our deep interconnection with others. This is the essence of mindfulness.

Mindfulness isn’t just about reducing stress ; it’s about cultivating compassion for yourself and others. It’s the foundation for reclaiming your wholeness.

“Mindfulness is the key to feeling and trusting your authenticity, unlocking

your full potential to experience love and the ultimate joy of being alive.”
Emi Iizuka, Mindfulness teacher & therapist

Emotions and thoughts are like trains

Here’s how mindfulness helps you observe your emotions and thoughts:

Notice : What triggered them?
Observe : What sensations or feelings do you notice?
Respond : Do you stay grounded, or do you let them carry you away?

Sometimes, you may find yourself on a train headed somewhere you never intended to go. The power of mindfulness is realizing you can step off at any moment – ground yourself, reclaim your center, and take back control. Being present allows you to observe your thoughts and emotions rather than be ruled by them.

Importance of being aware of the body, emotions and thoughts: your source of wisdom

Emotions and thoughts arise from the body’s responses to internal and external experiences. These are shaped by your physiology, environment, and past (including trauma). Emotions – like joy, fear, or anger – are physical signals, while thoughts give meaning to them. For example, a racing heart can trigger thoughts like, “I’m in danger” or “I’m excited.”

By tuning into your body – whether it’s noticing the ground beneath your feet or the tension in your muscles – you begin to understand the connection between physical sensations, emotions, and thoughts. You begin to understand what’s the trigger for you and why.

Why I practice Somatic Experiencing®

For over 10 years, I’ve practiced embodied mindfulness through yoga and compassion programs. Yet, I still felt disconnected from my body’s sensations. This led me to Somatic Experiencing® (SE), which focuses on the body and nervous system.

What helped me the most was the mindful presence of others. Being held without judgment allowed me to explore my body’s sensations safely. Through three years of SE® training, I reclaimed my true self. I feel lighter, more at ease, and more in tune with my body’s voice.

Somatic Experiencing® and mindfulness: a path to reconnection

The journey to reconnecting with your true self begins with safety – safety in your body, your sensations, and your mind—only accessible in the present moment. Awareness is the key. Mindfulness and Somatic Experiencing® help you cultivate this deep sense of safety, empowering you to be fully present and heal.

Whatever arises, you have the capacity to recognize it, understand it, and meet it with compassion – strengthened by the practice of mindfulness. Embracing mindfulness accelerates the healing process, allowing you to navigate emotions with clarity, resilience, and deep self-compassion.

Join our Somatic Experiencing® retreat

At our Somatic Experiencing® retreat in April 2025, you’ll have the opportunity to reconnect with your true self in a supportive, nurturing environment and an incredible team of therapists . Through mindfulness, Somatic Experiencing®, and compassionate guidance, you’ll learn to feel safe in your body and mind – ready to heal and step into a life of joy and authenticity.

Spots are limited – reserve yours now to begin your transformative journey.

Learn more about our retreat

Healing generational trauma

Wed, 15 Jan 2025 14:51:04 GMT

Dr. Yulin Sun holds a PhD in Educational Psychology and is an expert on generational trauma

The bad news first: Traumas are stored in the body and can be passed down through generations via epigenetic inheritance. The good news: we all have the innate capacity for personal or generational trauma healing.

What we call trauma is not the triggering event we associate with it

Trauma isn’t the event itself but our response to it. When adverse experiences occur too quickly, too intensely, at too young an age, or for a long time, they can overwhelm our nervous system’s ability to cope. If the initial activation of shock isn’t discharged, we may become stuck in trauma mode, cycling through fight, flight, freeze, or fawn responses in reaction to minor situations resembling the original event. Trauma responses — tensed muscles, a racing heart, shallow breathing, mental fog, or a freeze state — can become chronic. These reactions are often triggered by seemingly minor events, manifesting as physical or emotional symptoms or recurring relationship struggles.

Mice and human inherit the burden of fear

In one study, researchers conditioned mice to associate the scent of cherry blossoms with electric shocks, causing the animals to develop a fear of the smell. Remarkably, their offspring, with no exposure to the shocks, displayed the same aversion to the scent upon their first encounter.

Human research also shows that descendants of war and torture victims—up to great-grandchildren— still exhibited similar trauma responses to triggers as their ancestors. This occurs despite having no exposure to or knowledge of the traumatic events their forebears survived. Our nervous systems are wired similarly to those of our ancestors, a mechanism shaped by nature to enhance survival.

My journey: crossing oceans seeking the unknown lost

In 2011, while working at a university after earning my Ph.D., my health began to fail catastrophically due to an autoimmune condition. After a series of accidents, setbacks, unexpected turns of plans, new realisations, I found myself crossing oceans on ships and stayed on remote islands whenever possible—beyond New Zealand, beyond Brazil, north of the Arctic Circle, south to the Antarctic Sea, deep into the Pacific, and over 4,000 meters above sea level on Lake Titicaca.

No electricity, no automobiles, no internet—no problem. I crossed mountains and seas, staying for months wherever circumstances allowed. Breathing could be laborious due to the health condition, I found it easier in the middle of water. I craved primitivity, purity, and a breath of fresh air. It was a pull I couldn’t explain — an impulse I couldn't help but follow.

Systematic Family Constellation unfolds forgotten family story

On 2016 in Glastonbury, also known as the Isle of Avalon, I encountered family constellation work, a healing modality that uncovers systemic and generational traumas through the somatic responses of representatives within a family system.

For seven immersive days, more than 70 participants and I delved deeply into generational patterns, buried traumas, and unseen connections. From morning until midnight, we worked relentlessly, addressing 10 to 11 cases a day.

Our bodies remember what our ancestors went through

I was startled to see, again and again, across cultures and countries, we repeated the sufferings and struggles from our ancestors. Our bodies remembered them and acted out the way, even if our minds are unaware of the history. We are the same as the young mice who smelled the cherry blossoms for the first time in their lives, yet ran away with fear as if the electric shock their parents endured were still present in their bodies.

Unravelling my own family trauma

When my turn came, the representative for my mother stood at the center, screaming and wailing. Though my mother had never screamed in real life, at that moment, I understood the silent, internal screams she must have carried throughout her life. And there I was, walking in circles around my grandfather, who was lying on the ground. He had been killed by pirates in the ocean while my mother was still in the womb, his body buried on a tiny remote island barely a square kilometer in size.

His death was never spoken of; the trauma was too much for my grandmother to bear. Therefore, in my conscious mind, he didn’t exist. Yet unknowingly, I had spent years searching for him in every remote corner of the world.

Months after that first constellation session, and many more that followed, I found myself in Portugal. For the first time, I felt I could finally stay grounded on land. Gradually, my health improved, and I began to heal.

"Constellation is a way to have others mirror out what we've felt in our bodies.

While SE helps integrate and process these activations within the body."

Dr. Yulin Sun

Healing my illness by unravelling my family history

As I settled in Europe, I enrolled in a Family Constellation training program. In the third module, we focused on trauma work, integrating Somatic Experiencing® techniques to process generational trauma on a deeply personal and somatic level. As the teacher guided us to attune to our nervous systems while unfolding family events, I experienced profound sensations — long suppressed beneath the mask of functioning normally. I realized I had been locked in a state of dissociation, frozen in a dorsal vagal response. Like many others, I was a survivor of countless small and significant neglects, abuses, betrayals, and daily stresses—both from my personal life and inherited through generations. While I struggled to perform as expected, my body eventually collapsed. For many, it is their minds, lives, or relationships that break under this weight.

Typical symptoms of generational trauma

Generational traumas often manifest as emotional, psychological, or physical challenges within the family system. These imprints frequently reside in the body, perpetuating cycles of fear, pain, and disconnection. This understanding inspired me to dedicate three more years to studying Somatic Experiencing (SE), a modality that complements this work by focusing on the nervous system.

Family Constellation & Somatic Experiencing® empowers healing from generational trauma

Somatic Experiencing helps individuals process trauma stored in the body, and through each gently guided activation and discharge, we supported our nervous systems in releasing trapped energy and restoring a sense of safety.

By integrating the insights of Family Constellation with the somatic healing practices of SE®, our amazing Dragonfly Team creates a holistic pathway for addressing generational trauma. Together, these approaches help uncover the roots of long-standing patterns while offering a practical means to release them from the body. The result is a profound sense of empowerment, healing, and presence — not just for the individual but for generations to come. Together with the rest of the team I am happy to share these insights and techniques at one of our one-of-a-kind retreats .

Through this work, I’ve come to appreciate how deeply interconnected our stories and bodies are. Healing begins when we honor this connection, bridging the ancestral narratives that shape us with the embodied awareness that can set us free.

Holistic trauma recovery: mind-body healing approaches

Thu, 07 Nov 2024 16:12:00 GMT

We have a wealth of experience

Dragonfly Retreats’ Holistic Trauma Recovery Programs integrate mind-body healing approaches to support individuals on their journey toward lasting trauma recovery. This program is designed for those who seek a well-rounded healing experience, addressing trauma through various therapeutic modalities, including Somatic Experiencing, mindfulness, and movement therapy. Our holistic approach ensures that participants heal not only mentally but also physically and emotionally.

Our somatic therapy practitioners , bring a wealth of experience to guide participants through this transformative program . We specialize in emotional resilience and mindfulness techniques, while we also focus on the somatic release of trauma held within the body. Together, they create a nurturing environment where individuals can explore the interconnectedness of mind and body, developing awareness and resilience through holistic healing practices.

Participants in the Holistic Trauma Recovery Program engage in activities designed to release emotional and physical tension, reconnect with their inner selves, and restore balance in their lives. Through guided mindfulness exercises, group workshops, and individual counselling, participants explore their trauma from a mind-body perspective, discovering how trauma affects every aspect of their being and learning tools to integrate healing into their daily lives.

Dragonfly Retreats’ holistic approach to trauma recovery recognizes that healing is a dynamic process that requires support on all levels. By participating in this program, individuals not only experience profound transformation but also gain the skills to sustain their healing journey long after the retreat ends. Our team is dedicated to

PTSD and trauma healing retreats for survivors

Thu, 07 Nov 2024 15:41:28 GMT

Learn to reconnect with your body

For those navigating the challenges of PTSD, Dragonfly Retreats offers a specialized PTSD and Trauma Healing Retreat designed to foster recovery and resilience. This retreat caters to survivors, providing a supportive space where participants can process and release the lingering effects of trauma in a safe, guided setting. Through evidence-based approaches such as Somatic Experiencing and trauma-informed mindfulness practices, participants learn to reconnect with their bodies, manage emotional triggers, and regain a sense of control over their lives.

Led by our experienced team, this retreat is designed to address the unique needs of individuals dealing with PTSD. We work closely with each participant to create personalized strategies for emotional and physical healing, using tools that enable survivors to engage in life more fully. Through structured sessions, participants explore the physiological impact of trauma on the nervous system, learning how to down-regulate stress responses and gradually find relief from PTSD symptoms.

The PTSD and Trauma Healing Retreat emphasizes a holistic approach, combining individual counselling, group support, and physical practices that honour each person’s journey. From body-based exercises that release stored trauma to mindfulness sessions focused on emotional regulation, this retreat offers a comprehensive approach to healing PTSD.

Dragonfly Retreats is dedicated to creating a compassionate, empowering environment where survivors of trauma and PTSD can begin to reclaim their lives. Our team provides ongoing support to reinforce the progress made, ensuring that each participant leaves equipped with practical skills for continued healing and resilience.

Somatic Experiencing Retreat

Thu, 07 Nov 2024 13:32:15 GMT

At Dragonfly Retreats, our Somatic Experiencing Therapy Retreat offers a safe and supportive environment for individuals seeking trauma healing and recovery. Somatic Experiencing therapy is a powerful, body-cantered approach designed to address the effects of trauma by working directly with the body’s natural processes to release stored tension and restore equilibrium. This therapeutic retreat provides a space for participants to reconnect with their bodies, release trauma, and build resilience.

Led by our experienced team who specialize in Somatic Experiencing and trauma recovery. Participants can expect a deeply personalized experience. Each session is crafted to explore how trauma has impacted the nervous system and to provide tools to build body awareness and self-regulation. Through mindfulness, movement, and nature-based practices, this retreat nurtures healing from within.

The Somatic Experiencing Therapy Retreat emphasizes that healing is a journey best undertaken with compassion and patience. Participants engage in guided exercises to gently release trauma held in the body, while also learning skills to enhance resilience and reconnect with their inner strength. By the end of the retreat, individuals often report feeling more grounded, balanced, and prepared to embrace a fulfilling life beyond trauma.

At Dragonfly Retreats, we are committed to providing a healing experience that honours each individual’s journey, offering support both during and after the retreat. Our therapists remain available for follow-up, ensuring that the skills learned are fully integrated. Join us in this transformative experience and discover how Somatic Experiencing Therapy can empower your trauma healing and recovery.

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Relational trauma – the split in a child's heart

Healing the unseen inheritance of family patterns, trauma, and love

“The fact that I exist means all my ancestors did enough, and did it right, for life to continue through me.”

The echo of survival in our nervous system

When the family order shifts

“When the order of the family shifts, children stop being children and become caretakers of their parents.”

Dear mother, please allow e to love my father, too

“ Every child loves both parents unconditionally – even when love feels unsafe, the child adapts by trading authenticity for attachment. ”

Dr. Yulin Sun

Somatic Experiencing®: the body's path to healing

Saying yes to what was – and to the life that is

“Healing begins when we stop carrying what isn't ours and allow love to flow freely again – to both parents, to both sides .”

Dr. Yulin Sun

Chronic physical pain and trauma: the hidden link

Chronic physical pain and trauma: the hidden link

Trauma has two components: physical and emotional

“In my own practice, I’ve seen that an accident always leaves

more than a bruise or scar. The tissues may hold on to tension

and pain, but the shock also lingers in the nervous system.

Addressing both is what brings true relief.”

Luc Lippuner

My personal story: 25 years of chronic back pain For me, this truth is not just theoretical – it’s deeply personal. I lived with chronic back pain for 25 years.

“For 25 years I searched for answers in my body alone.

When I finally included the emotional and psychological parts

of my trauma, the healing was complete – and the pain was gone.”

Luc Lippuner

Looking back: layers of injury and emotional imprint

The fear of the fall got imprinted in the tissue and entangled with early childhood trauma

How trauma gets stored in fascia or connective tissue

Why pain is not always purely physical

“Pain is not the enemy. It’s the body’s way of saying:

there is still something here that needs attention.”

Luc Lippuner

Rolfing®: freeing the body from trauma’s grip

Somatic Experiencing: healing the emotional shock

The power of integrating body and mind

“Healing trauma is not about erasing the past.

It’s about giving the body and mind the chance

to complete what was left unfinished.”

Luc Lippuner

Healing at Dragonfly Retreats

Conclusion: pain is a call to listen

Resilience: Our innate capacity – and how to use somatic practices to grow it

Resilience: Our innate capacity — and how to use somatic practices to grow it

We are resilient. You are resilient.

Building resilience with somatic practices is one of the most powerful ways to support your wellbeing. Resilience isn’t something we either have or don’t have — it’s something all humans are born with, and it’s something we can strengthen over time.

What is resilience, really?

“Resilience is not about pushing through and pretending I’m ok —

it’s about staying connected to myself and others, even when things get difficult.”

María Lopez

Resilience vs. survival strategies

When “I’m ok, I can do it” becomes a survival strategy

The hidden cost of survival mode Looking back, I realize that what I was practicing wasn’t always resilience — it was a survival strategy. I was bypassing my emotions, pretending I was fine, and powering forward without giving myself the space to feel or process what was happening.

The key difference between resilience and survival

The good news: We can cultivate resilience

A simple somatic resilience practice you can start today

Resilience, wellbeing, and healing

The value of embodiment: reconnecting to grounded presence for trauma healing

How bringing awareness to your body creates safety and healings

What is embodiment? The role of the body while experiencing the flow of life

How does embodiment support healing? Reconnecting to a sense of aliveness

“We often find it challenging to name an emotion, but everyone knows

the sensation of a rumbling belly or a tight chest. This tangible quality

of our physical experience is extremely powerful in our healing process

when explored gently and compassionately. They wait – sometimes in

silence, sometimes in pain – until we are ready to l isten.”

Regina Ehlers

Understanding disconnection from the body: It's all about safety

Early years: We are embodied from the start

Pause and check in

How embodiment supports healing: Learning to discern the past from the present

Ways to reconnect to your body

Embark on a life-changing, body-centered healing journey

Inner child work: a journey to healing and reclaiming joy

Why healing your inner child changes everything

“Healing our inner child isn’t about rewriting the past – it’s about giving ourselves

the love and care we always deserved.” Hranush Shahnazariyan, Somatic trauma therapist

What is inner child work?

“The parts of us that were abandoned, dismissed, or wounded as children don’t just

My personal story: 25 years of chronic back pain
For me, this truth is not just theoretical – it’s deeply personal. I lived with chronic back pain for 25 years.

The hidden cost of survival mode
Looking back, I realize that what I was practicing wasn’t always resilience — it was a survival strategy. I was bypassing my emotions, pretending I was fine, and powering forward without giving myself the space to feel or process what was happening.

your full potential to experience love and the ultimate joy of being alive.”
Emi Iizuka, Mindfulness teacher & therapist